Month: August 2015

Keep the beard?

August 16, 2015nicu, Uncategorizednicu, parentingemotionaldad Leave a comment

I wasn’t sure what to do about this beard. It’s a bit of a story.

My family was in town in July and my dad was growing out his vacation beard. It was around the time Kate was entering the third trimester and gestationally exactly when my first son, Henry, was born. I don’t usually have a beard, but thinking about beards and the third trimester, naturally had me thinking it was appropriate to grow a third trimester beard.

I’ve watched enough professional sports to know that the teams with the biggest beards win in the playoffs and if beards bring success and longevity to the playoff teams, certainly beards bring health and longevity to the third trimester of a pregnancy. So I stopped shaving in July.

So now that George is born, I’ve been debating if I should shave the beard. I think of the NICU as an extension of the third trimester. I certainly want to do everything I can to support good health during George’s NICU stay, but longevity in the NICU didn’t excite me as much.

So I’ve thought about it. And for two really big reasons, I’m keeping the beard until George comes home.

1 – George was born as healthily as I could ever ask for. Sure, he was small and had all the usual complications that come with that, but he was HEALTHY. So clearly the beard worked for that part, and good health is more important than longevity anyhow.

2 – I’m happy to spend a lot of time in the NICU if it means that he comes out of here healthy and strong. Besides, it’s not like the beard did much for longevity in the first place. 😉

PS – George is doing great. He’s done with breathing support and his IV. He’s up to full feeds in his gavage tube. We’re entering into the slow part of the NICU stay – figuring out how to eat.

Back in the NICU and loving it

August 13, 2015nicunicu, parentingemotionaldad Leave a comment

My first trip to the NICU was incredibly emotional. I guess that’s pretty obvious since it inspired the name of this blog. I experienced every single emotion at a very primal level throughout my seven weeks in the NICU. But if I’m honest about my emotions during that time, the strongest, most persistent emotion was fear. Not in fear for Henry’s health, but rather fearing that this week won’t be his last week in the NICU. I wanted nothing more than to take my baby home, and I feared that day would never come.

I’m not going to let that happen again. I’ve lived over two years with Henry since he was discharged Nov 4, 2012. I know now that my NICU scars are much deeper than his. I know that seven weeks is a flash in the pan relative to the joy that he has brought me since. I listened to Randy Scott’s talk about his daughter with down syndrome last year. I can’t pretend to understand the emotions that he experienced, but I will follow his example and write my own story.

Here’s my story: I’m back in the NICU and loving it.

I love the NICU because it has now given me not one, but two beautiful gifts: first Henry, now George. If it weren’t for the NICU, and all it’s insanity, I wouldn’t be a father, twice.

I love the NICU because Kangaroo Care is an amazing bond between me and my son. There’s something about the warm touch of his skin combined with the cold harshness of his life saving equipment that makes me really happy.

I love being back in the NICU because it’s given me the opportunity to reunite with all the people that helped my first son, Henry. If I stopped by the NICU last week. They wouldn’t let me or Henry in to even say hi to the nurses. Because George is here, we’re able to catch up with all the staff who played such an important role in Henry’s life. I’ve never been more proud of Henry than walking him through these halls as a NICU graduate.

I’m not going to be emotionless. I’m angry that George is on his third IV in three days. I’m sad that Kate was crashed into a c-section without warning. I’m fearful of all the things that could still go sideways in the NICU. But that’s not my story. My story is that I’m happy and grateful to hold George in my arms. I don’t need that to happen at home. It’s happening right here, right now, and I’m thankful for it.

zero to baby in 6 flat

August 12, 2015Uncategorizedemotionaldad Leave a comment

It happened again. Just when I felt like everything was going so smoothly. Days after a routine checkup. So familiar, but surprisingly different.

Saturday afternoon, I was enjoying the weather, geeking out watching competitive gaming. The tournament concluded at 6:30pm and that same moment, Kate called me to tell me she felt like she was in labor. I rushed home with some help from my friend, Phil. Kate’s parents rushed over to watch Henry. By 8PM, we were discussing c-sections with the doctor because we were looking down the barrel of a 33-week preterm breech delivery.

By 12:26am on Sunday, George Philip Muller was unceremoniously tugged out of Kate’s belly. In 6 short hours, we went from “everything looks great” to c-section to NICU.

My sister, Adelle, told me something like this years ago, I’m reminded of it almost every day since our first trip to the NICU. “Being a parent is a leap of faith. You make the decision to do it, you watch how the dice fall, and you go with it.”

I couldn’t be happier with our decision to roll the dice.

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